How did the ‘Rules’ for dating come about?
Dating has always been the topic of interest for many people who find it extremely difficult to make dating work for them. To counter this problem effectively Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider wrote a book called, ‘The Rules’ in 1992. Needless to say, the book sales shot off the charts as it gave women a newfound way to make it possible to be successful in the world of dating. A lot of these rules revolved around faking the fact you’re busy even when you aren’t, not texting back immediately and even hanging up the phone first if they do call. It gave women a framework to follow to be successful in their dating game.
Why this theory did not appeal to me.
The fact that they set a ground rule for women to first learn to respect themselves and date with dignity is phenomenal. It helped women feel empowered and not feel needy for a man’s love. They now have an official website where they consult and coach women on dating that works wonders. However, the only thing that kept sticking out like a sore thumb for me was the fact that you had to fake it. I would want women to never fake being busy but to actually be busy. Here’s something that Oprah had to say on this topic:
“[The book tells you that] when a desirable man calls, it’s wise to set a timer to go off a few minutes later, then recite a memorized exit line, such as “Sorry, gotta go. I have a million things to do.” Here’s my crazy idea: How about actually having a million things to do? How about actually filling your life with interesting activities? If you want to attract a partner, identify what you love to do, and do it—a lot. Involved, busy people really are more attractive”
Be independent and keep yourself busy:
In my opinion, the best way to date is to first learn to love and respect yourself. Be independent and live your life the way you want to. Have your schedule chock full of things to do. If you do that and when a guy comes along in your life, you’d only make way for the one who is worth your time. At that point when you give yourself more importance than anyone, your work and activities, even if leisurely, hold more regard and therefore, you only spend your precious time being with a guy who meets your standards.
Don’t sacrifice your schedule for a date:
This is to ensure that if your date ever goes bad, you won’t regret wasting your time with the wrong person when you could have checked off another item off your to – do list. You get to call the shots and tell a guy that you’d only be free between a certain timeframe, which would be true.
Many times I’ve told a guy “For the whole next week, until next Friday, I only have a window between 2-5pm this Wednesday, and that’s it”, and it was not a lie, it was the truth. If the guy really wanted to see me, he would, and he usually finds a way. A man worth anything would understand, and he would respect you for putting yourself first, instead of getting upset that you wouldn’t skip yoga just to see him for coffee. This is okay once in a while once you’re in a relationship, but definitely not in the beginning.
How to modify ‘The Rules’:
The rules in this book absolutely work but instead of faking something, actually do it so you don’t even have to lie anymore. “Never accept a weekend date after Wednesday”, if you were really busy, you literally cannot accept a weekend date after Wednesday anyway, and it would not be a lie, it would just you being you.
“End the phone call after 10 minutes and pretend to be busy” if you actually were busy, you’d have to do this anyway. “Never text back immediately, wait 30 minutes”, this would occur naturally if you were busy in class, at the gym, reading a book, practicing meditation, out golfing, or painting your nails.
The Rules does work, but let’s take Oprah’s advice, ladies, and instead of faking it, let’s make it! Try new things, find a new hobby, re-organize your closet, learn cooking, take up Spanish, busy people really are more attractive. Admit it, you love it when a guy you’re into is busy. Let’s become that person we admire.
Read this next post: Do not change who you are
You are a creature unlike any other (Rule #1)–that’s why you need . . . The Rules. A simple set of dos and don’ts, The Rules will lead you to where you want to be: in a healthy, committed relationship.
— editorial review
The Rules is not just a book; it’s a movement.
— Time, Elizabeth Gleick
“The Rules is a must-read.”
“The Rules isn’t just a book. It’s a movement, honey.”
“Even supermodels have to play hard to get… because it works. Not Your Mother’s Rules is a smart look at how dating has changed–the Rules still hold true as ever!”
- Stay Away from his Facebook Profile
- Make Yourself Invisible and Other Ways to Get Out of Instant Messaging
- Stop Dating a Guy Who Cancels More than Once
- Text-Back Times Chart
- Don’t Just Hang Out or See Him 24/7
- TTYL: Always End Everything First– Get Out of There!
- And much, much more!
This book has been like my life guide right now
I cried reading this because I am the girl in this book. We breakup. I go ballistic. Text. Stalk. Text. Call. Stalk some more. But not this time.
Love love love this book! My ultimate breakup buddy. I always turn back to this book whenever I need a pick-me-up.