The Price I pay for being polyamorous “serial dater”

31577252 - one confident woman between two men looking at her beautiful hair

Freedom – Is It Worth It?

me adn the airplane

I am a person who does not commit to any one relationship, so I have a freedom that most coupled people do not.  However, this freedom comes at a price.  I never ask myself whether I should be single or coupled up, but I do ask myself if I am willing to pay the price for the freedom that I have.  

I am currently seeing more than one man and yes, they all know that I am dating other people.  I wouldn’t have it any other way, but don’t worry, I won’t judge you if you secretly date other people.  

 

The Reality Of My Life

The other day, I was going through pictures on my cell phone and Facebook and I realized that I do quite a bit with my girlfriend, Sophia.  There are many pictures of the two of us and very few pictures of me with my men.  I bet that you are wondering why that is and well, it just seems silly to document a relationship with pictures when it isn’t a true relationship.  

me and sophi in the garden with lilies

After looking at the pictures, it dawned on me that I do not have a special someone to bring to Christmas parties, other important summer family BBQ’s and more.  

I always go to these events solo and thankfully my family and friends have become used to it and they do not ask questions.  

I’m not sure if they stay quiet to save me some dignity or if they pity me or if they know that I am having the time of my life with my men.  I can never tell.

There have been times when I am sick and I wish that there was someone to cook chicken soup for me.  I would love to be able to share certain moments of my life with someone too.  I have shared some of these moments with my men, because that’s who I am, but their congratulations and warm words sound more like a courtesy and not genuine happiness for me.  As nice as it is, it is not the same.  

 

Is It Worth The Price?

There are a few brief moments where it would be nice to have someone, but I don’t and the real dilemma becomes, IS IT WORTH IT???

And the answer, for me, is YES!

For the amount of freedom I have and the multitude of men that I am seeing, it is worth it.  I get to experience the “does he like me?” butterfly feelings many times.  I also get to experience many first kisses, first dates, first time to see each other naked and many other firsts over and over again.  For me, this is an endless cycle of new and exhilarating feelings.  

No one is being dragged to an event that they did not want to go to.  We are not politely talking to each other because we are living under the same roof.  

Feeling Guilty

Back when I was married, I would feel guilty if I ever answered a text message from a cute guy at work or at a party.  I would feel guilty every time I gave out my phone number at a club, because I didn’t know how to say NO.  Then I would subsequently panic when he would text me.  

I had many opportunities presented to me, however I did not have the freedom to do anything with these opportunities.  

 

I am always my best, and I will never “let myself go”.

Boudoir-95

Today I can take advantage of these opportunities.  I am a free bird and have the freedom to give out my number without feeling any guilt.  I do not panic and I celebrate when the cute guys finally text me.

I see the best in my men, because I am seeing them when they are happy and in a celebratory mood.  We are always on our best behaviors, because when we get together we are planning on having a good time.  No one is being dragged to an event that they did not want to go to.  We are not politely talking to each other because we are living under the same roof.  

Standing Out From The Crowd

My men and I always have a good time when we get together.  I also take care of myself much better than the average coupled person.  Since I am always available, I need to make myself marketable.  You will never see me “let myself go”.  

I am more fit than most of my friends and I am always trying to acquire new skills.  I read more books, take more classes and strive to be my best.  In order to attract a new mate and keep my current men, I always look my best. I do it for me, one can argue that I do that for other people which is the wrong reason to do anything, but to that I must contend that I do it for me and for me alone

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Whenever my men and I see each other, we are usually very well dressed and very well groomed.  I get the best of them and they get the best of me.  Besides, what girl doesn’t like to have a reason to get dressed up and looking pretty for someone special?  

All of this is worth the price that I have to pay for not having someone special.  The way I see it, I have many special someone’s.

 

The OTHER Loves of my Life

 

boys kissing me

I have my sister who genuinely cares about me and I can share my joys and sorrows with her.  I have my parents and they will cook chicken soup for me when I am sick.  I have my two sons who kiss me hundreds of times a day as they are saying “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!”.  When I ask them “What?”, they simply answer “I love you”.  It is the cutest when they do it in public, but I treasure those moments when they happen in private as well.

I have all of the love in my life that I need and I don’t necessarily need it to come from a man.  

I recognize the price that I pay and I am willing to pay it.

Maybe one day it will change, when I meet “the one”. I have been told this many times, from people who do not understand me, or people who pity me and think I am “lost”. That is quite alright. Perhaps they are right. Perhaps one day I will meet someone who’s so worthwhile I drop everyone else out of my life. But for now, until that person appears, this is what I’m doing.

 

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