Heartbreak is something that a person cannot avoid. We, as human beings are programmed to feel emotions, and one of them happens to be love. Losing a person is always hard and breaking up requires a lot of struggle to move on.
This connection, when broken can take a long time to heal. The healing process can be slow and require a lot of personal insight. It usually requires some time, patience and healthy reminders that can help you move on. Here are some things that I have found to be useful:
Step 1: GET OFF OF FACEBOOK!!!
The first step is usually to just let the grief run its course. However, be careful as not to be labeled as the “psycho ex-girlfriend” by doing something impulsive that you would later regret. The best way is to abstain from posting anything too emotional on your social media profiles, like Facebook or Twitter.
Similarly, if you maintained a quiet profile before the breakup, there is no need for instant activity filled with photos of you doing fun things just to “over-emphasize” that you do not care tends to work in reverse.
Save your dignity and do not befriend his friends to get information. Instead, hang out with some of your real friends who actually care about you. Lastly, whatever you do, do not call him and hang up just to hear his voice – because you are better than that.
STEP 2: NO CONTACT
Do not contact him, for anything. Period. This is what Susan Elliot, author of “Getting Past Your Breakup”, refers to as “NC” (NO CONTACT). She asserts that this is the most important thing to do, in order to get past your breakup, she also outlines many reasons most women give themselves for contacting the ex-boyfriend. Recognize that these are all excuses to get in touch with him, do not rationalize yourself into contacting him. NC is the most important thing to do right now.
If you feel the need to say something hurtful to him, write it on a piece of paper and let yourself contemplate your emotions; honor them. Cry with people who would understand, like your mother, your sister or your best friend till it is time for you to pick up the pieces, throw them in the trash and move on. Try not to write on the computer, it is simply too easy for a moment for weakness to cause you to “copy and send” it to him. You can find support from other women on the forum with Susan Elliot here.
Step 3: TRY SOMETHING NEW
It is well-advised to not stop doing what you have to do on the basis of your pain. Go to work, pick up your dry cleaning, go to the gym. Life goes on as usual. Having suddenly a lot more free time means that now you can fill it up with what you used to like, or pick up something new. Try hiking, pick up yoga or Pilates, make your own ice-cream…do anything you enjoy. You’ve suddenly been given the gift of time! USE IT!
Some useful resources:
It’s over–and it really hurts. But as unbelievable as it may seem when you are in the throes of heartache, you can move past your breakup. Forget about trying to win your ex back. Forget about losing yourself and trying to make this person love you. Forget it! Starting today, this breakup is the best time to change your life for the better, inside and out.
“This practical book offers useful tips about how to get through the depressing post-breakup stages of loneliness and desolation. If you can’t afford a therapist, this useful tome will help you take charge of your life instead of giving way to grief.”
YourTango.com, “Top 5 Breakup Books of 2009,” 1/1/10
There’s no doubt about it—breakups suck. But in the first few hours or days or weeks that follow, there’s one important truth you need to recognize: Some things can’t and shouldn’t be fixed, especially that loser who dumped you or forced you to dump him.
It’s called a breakup because it’s broken, and starting right here, right now, it’s time to dry your tears, put down that pint of ice cream, log out of his e-mail, and open this book to Chapter One–and start turning your breakup into a breakover.
“You will get through this, and you’ll do it faster with the help of It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken.”
“Insightful, been-there-have-the-scars-to-prove-it wisdom.”
—New York Post
He’s Just Not That Into You—based on a popular episode of Sex and the City—is tough love advice for otherwise smart women on how to tell when a guy just doesn’t like them enough, so they can stop wasting time making excuses for a dead-end relationship. It’s the best relationship advice you’ll ever receive.
About the Author
Comedian Greg Behrendt was a consultant for three consecutive seasons on Sex and the City. His acclaimed stand-up comedy has been seen on HBO, Comedy Central Presents…, The Tonight Show, Late Show with David Letterman, and Late Night with Conan O’Brien. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife and daughter.