Focus On Yourself, Before You Find A Boyfriend

single woman drinking coffee

My Younger Self

When I was younger, I fell into the same category as everyone else. I felt that I was judged by everyone around me about my looks, my style and who I was dating at the time. You were supposed to date the jocks or the popular kids and not the “nerdy” boys. Facebook didn’t make my life any easier, because I could see the “in a relationship” status on my friends’ pages and mine only said that I was single most of the time. In my way of thinking, all of my friends were looking at my profile and wondering when I would actually get a boyfriend. I would actually start dating a boy, just so I could change my status and post some pictures of us online.

I spent most of my twenties going out with guys that I was interested in because of the hobbies they liked. I realized that if they liked something, whether it was sports, volunteering, working on projects around the house, then they seemed more interesting to me. However, even though I was interested in these guys, they all didn’t treat me well.

My Older Self

After going through quite a few boyfriends, I married one of them and then divorced. I then decided that I needed to spend some time thinking about what was best for me. I was on an emotional roller coaster and my family thought I was going crazy!

One day I woke up and realized something……If I was attracted to men who had hobbies, would men also find that attractive about women??? I had finally realized after all of these years that I needed to focus on myself instead on focusing on guys first.

I decided to do everything that I said I would do once I found a boyfriend. I went out to eat at restaurants with friends. I vacationed in Cape Cod and Martha’s Vineyard. I hiked the sand dunes in Provincetown and saw the majestic waterfalls at Niagara Falls. I taught myself how to play golf and I went to hot yoga classes. I took flying lessons and enrolled in a few courses online.

I found that I now knew what was important in a boyfriend and I wasn’t going to settle for anything less.

My New Self

A miracle happened after I focused on myself. My friendships became stronger and I found new friends as well. Men started to come up to me all of the time. They were successful and gorgeous and they wanted to get to know me because I am smart and intelligent. Even though I wasn’t focused on finding a guy, they kept coming up to me. I started rejecting some of these men and actually raised my standards. I found that I now knew what was important in a boyfriend and I wasn’t going to settle for anything less.

At the moment, I am happily single and this is by choice. When I do find someone that meets my higher standards, I will gladly give him a chance to try to change my relationship status.

So, now ask yourself what qualities you want in a partner. Do you have those qualities yourself? If you don’t, you might want to take a step back and think about why not.

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